I...haven't been so good these past few days or shall i even say month. For some odd reason since summer passed a lot of things have just been coming up. One thing after the other. It's like once something bad happens something has to follow it until not only is it bad but it becomes ugly and turns into a nightmare.
I've been thinking about the past a lot now. About memories and all the good and fun times. Times where there were smiles on everyone's faces. Time can't stand still and we can't make time stop. Time makes things change, time heals and most of all....time takes. Time takes things away and sometimes never gives them back. I guess maybe that's why we have memories.
I once argued with someone that there was no fate and that it was your choices and actions that made the difference. And now...i'm sorry. I'm beginning to believe in fate now. Fate and destiny. Trust in faith in that it will deliver to you what it is that is yours. And let time do what it needs in order for life to continue.
I can't blame anyone or anything for taking things that i and others love away. I can only allow time to heal my and the people around me their hearts. Time won't ever be able to erase the emptiness but it can heal and help us to move on. I guess in a way that's the way life is right? There's a time for things to grow and a time for things to go.
I'm sad...extremly sad beyond belief. I don't think i've ever felt this sad ever before in my life. I know that even with all that is happening around me and that i can do nothing about it my life must go on and that i must continue living. But sometimes i don't know what to do with myself. This weekend i got up and got dressed and all of a sudden decided to go out somewhere because i was restless and had cried my eyes out the night before. So i hopped onto the next bus. But the next thing i knew....tears just started coming out. Right there on a bus when i thought that i couldn't cry anymore i did. In the end...i ended up on the LRT and as fate would have it i bumped into a friend. It was nice to be able to just hang out with her. If i didn't bump into her i don't think i would have been laughing that day and would have just wondered aimlessly around.
So fate does play a role in my life. Fate made it so that i would have a close friend with me on the day that i felt so tired and worn out and lost. I didn't get a chance to thank her for being with me that day. But she's such a close friend of mine that i don't think she needed me to thank her. But still....Thank you. I'm glad that i was able to have bumped into you that day.
I'm getting sick...my throat is sore and i'm shivering in weather that you shouldn't be really cold in. And i've also been having a lot of headaches too. I have to take better care of myself.
Trust in fate. Whatever it has in store for me and whatever it has in store for you. If my fate was to one day be able to have a happily ever after ending then i will have one. If my fate is that i won't then so be it. But i also must remember that i have choices too. I can choose to do this or choose not to. and in doing so i change my fate. I know that sounded contradictory but i can't live my life thinking that since i believe in fate then i can leave everything and not care.
My life isn't so happy anymore....now there is a lot of saddness. i've just realized that i hang out with people and i laugh and talk and seem as if nothing is wrong. But there is. So much is wrong. and it's hard to explain to someone to understand and so i deal with it myself. I just hope and pray that one day i won't have a break down and become emotional and do something that will hurt others and myself. Be brave and be strong. Time will heal all things even though it won't replace the emptiness....but i will forever have my memories.
